Living without You  / Mom 10-29-07
Today I received an email from another grieving mother.  She reached out in her grief and desire to make some sense out of this unimaginable life we now lead - just as I have done so many times.  How do you come to terms with the death of your child?  The death of the future you always dreamed for your child? The future you envisioned as a mother and grandmother?  How do you make sense out of something that just isn't supposed to be? 

Once again, I have to say, I just don't know.  Each and every day I cry for you.  And I know, each and every day until the day I see you again, I will continue to cry.  Some days I rage at the injustice - others I dissolve into my grief.  You may be in a much better place but I still grieve for the lose of your life here on earth.  Each and every day something occurs that I feel sorrow that you are not here to be a part of.  I grieve that Kaitlin doesn't have her wonderful dad by her side.  I grieve that you are not a part of her day-to-day life.  She's such a wonderful child.  So, so, so much her father's daughter.  I like to think you are watching over her and have some control over the events in her life but know she would be so much better off if you were physically with her.  So I grieve and do the best I can to fill in for you.


I always thought if something happened to one of my children I would lie down and die with them.  Six and a half years have passed and I'm still here.  They have been horribly painful years - times I didn't want to go on - but I'm still here.  Kaitlin has kept me going.  She is what I have left of you.  And, as I'm sure you know, she is spoiled rotten :-)   Couldn't help it.  Never have been able to deny her anything.  But, as I'm sure you know too, even with the spoiling she's got her dad's heart of gold.

Until we are together again I will be filled with the memories of you, my son, and grief for what could have been.    I love you with every fiber of my being and miss you more than I could ever put into words.    Close

THINKING OF YOU PRECIOUS RICHARD,  / ROSE GRMA TO ANGEL BRITTANY SYFERT (ANGEL FRIEND )

SENDING LOTS OF LOVE TO YOU AND YOUR LOVING FAMILY, THIS
HALLOWEEN,

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Happy Halloween  / Family Of William Myers

Happy Halloween Terry 

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Sending Hugs to Heaven  / Susie/Scott's Mom
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A letter for Mom  / Josie Mills (passerby)
Dear Barbara, This letter is for you.  I am the author of my husband, Juan J. Mills, my sister, Alicia D. Garza and my niece, Sierra Alyssa Cerda web-sites.  I just wanted to let you know that I know how you feel.  I don't know the feeling of losing a child but I know how it feels when your heart is broken.  When I lost my husband, my daughter was 6, I thought it was what it would feel like when your world had ended.  Tragically, almost 2 years later, by then I had moved away hoping to put closure to the word "death", and successfully pretend to being okay, THEN, I lost my
sister!!! My world was crushed.  I felt worse than I did when I lost my husband.  This was my sister, my little sister, my friend.  I knew this little girl all her life!!  I made her wedding dress!!  We had a special bond, her and I.  How dare GOD take her!! How dare HE!!!! I was so angry... with GOD.  I could not understand why he hurt me. No, not me, he hurt my MOM... That hurt!!  We are a large family.  I have both my parents, my grandkids have a great-great grandma.  How can this be happening... Last December, the 27th to be exact, my younger sister gave birth to a 6pd 3oz. baby girl.  She has two boys.  Sierra was born sick, too many complications, but i refused
accept an convinced myself that HE would, could not, won't do this to us again... On Sierra's 10th day of life, she gave up.  I begged GOD to not do this, to me.  I wanted to not feel pain, pain that I felt, my family was feeling.  Make it go away dear God I begged, I closed my eyes.  I was given a chance, He asked me to chose, if I make the pain go away, you will not remember your husband, your sister, and not know your niece.  I paused and said No, please, I want the pain I carry, they are my memories, I chose to live them, enjoy every moment that I shared with my husband, my sister and the few moments that I got to share with my niece, (I had been asked to be her God-mother) I wanted to share my story with you.  Not tell you how to feel... jo Close

Pictures / Mom
May 29, 2007

I've been adding more pictures to the site.  It has taken so long to get things in some kind of order.....so others can know you, too.  It's been difficult because each time I work on it I end up blinded by tears and find that I can't go on.  But it's getting there!  I envy those that can work so deligently out of love for their loved one and create such beautiful web pages in their memory. 

There are so many, many people walking in our shoes.  It is so overwhelming.  I visit websites daily to light candles in memory of others on their angel dates. Just on this site (memory-of.com) there is never a day that isn't someone's angel date - normally several "someone's".  We all know that death is a part of life - but it just doesn't register until it hits home and we join that other world - the world of the heart broken.  My heart goes out to them all.  I know how my heart aches for you.....so must they suffer, too.  

Always thinking of you, Always missing you, and Forever Loving You ...... Close

MERRY CHRISTMAS!  / Neomi, Jerry &. Erin Miller (Family of Autumn, Michael & Gerald Miller )

Merry Christmas
to the
Hatten Family
from
The Miller Family

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Always on my mind  / Barbara Prescott (Mom)
Sometimes I grieve so deeply that I can hardly breathe,
One look at your photograph and the pain begins to ease;
Sometimes I grieve so softly that it hardly hurts at all,
One look at your photograph and the pain begins to call;
No matter how I grieve for you, one thing you will always find,
Whether day or night, heavy or light, you're always on my mind. 

Author Unknown
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My Son  / Barbara Prescott (Mom)

My hands were busy through the day
I didn't have much time to play
The little games you asked me to,
I didn't have much time for you.
I'd wash your clothes, I'd sew and cook,
But when you'd bring your picture book
And asked me please to share your fun,
I'd say, "A little later, Son".
I'd tuck you in all safe at night
And hear your prayers, turn out the light,
Then tiptoe softly to the door...
I wish I'd stayed a minute more.

For life is short, the years rush past...
A little boy grows up so fast.
No longer is he at your side,
His precious secrets to confide.
The picture books are put away,
There are no longer games to play,
No good-night kiss, no prayers to hear,
That all belongs to yesteryear.

My hands, once busy, now are still.
The days are long and hard to fill.
I wish I could go back and do
The little things you asked me to!

Author Unknown
 

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